Saturday, June 13, 2009

Uncertainty

So much has happened in the last couple weeks. I think I'll be posting about once a day for the next few days, just to get caught up. So keep checking!

There has been much stress but also much joy in these weeks. And much disappointment. Which is what I will write about this morning.

Major Disappointment #1: Josiah's Court Hearing

Josiah's first court hearing was April 17th. It went great. As well as it could have. Court hearing #2 was scheduled for June 11th (Thursday). We were very hopeful the adoption would be finalized. The social worker had completed her report, and she had promised she would be there. And since the judge is the one who had chosen June 11th, we figured she would be there too. Wouldn't you think so?

Well, on Wednesday our lawyer called. She had an adoption case scheduled with the same judge the week before, and they had told her the judge was on vacation. She checked again on Wednesday and it was confirmed: The judge was indeed on vacation. Out of the country. Until August 3rd. (Pretty cushy job to be a judge if you ask me. They already get the entire months of December and January off). And being assigned to a different judge is not an option.

This normally would not be a big deal. Except that you may remember we already had to reschedule our Home Assignment due to Josiah's adoption. We figured pushing it back to October would give us more than enough time. But now, with the court hearing pushed back to August...we just don't know. Even if the adoption order is given at that hearing (which isn't guaranteed since someone might not show up), it still takes time to receive the paperwork, apply for Josiah's passport, and get his U.S. visa.

So what do we do? Push back our Home Assignment again? Even though, once again, we have lined up a substitute for Gil's classes? Take the chance that everything will come through in time? But what do we do about purchasing plane tickets? Or scheduling speaking assignments? Home Assignments (especially short ones like ours) are very tightly scheduled. It's not like we can just arrive in the States when we feel like it and then figure out when we will speak.

So what are we left with? Uncertainty.

Major Disappointment #2: Our House

You may recall that we had to temporarily leave our former house a few months ago, for renovations to be done. In the meantime we've been living in our "Dream House:" a little house in a beautiful location....right next to school.

It has been beautiful. But even more, it's been incredible for ministry. We are 80 steps from the school's gate. Students can come over for lunch. Students can walk over for counseling. Gil can come home for lunch. I can walk over with the kids for a visit. I can be so much more involved in HOPAC life than I usually am. It's been incredible.

So incredible, in fact, that we have been trying to negotiate to stay. We reached as high as we could go rent-wise....to the point of even being willing to pay twice the rent we were paying at our other place (and the house itself isn't even really worth it). And a couple weeks ago, it looked like the landlord agreed. We've been waiting...and waiting...for him to bring over a contract. But as of this week, it's looking very much like it won't work out.

I am so disappointed. Those of you who are stay-at-home moms understand the significance of me being able to be more involved in HOPAC life. This house seems so incredibly perfect for our ministry. I want to live here. A lot.

Meanwhile, the landlord at our former house has almost doubled her rent. So...now it looks like even that house may not be a great option for us. Gil and I have moved 7 times in our 8 years of marriage. The idea of house hunting again is positively depressing.

So what does that leave us with? Uncertainty.

I hate uncertainty. I am a planner. Years in advance, if possible. I am detail-oriented and scheduled. I don't like spontaneity. So obviously these new developments are not exactly fun for me.

But what are my choices? Well....grumbling, complaining, stressing, whining (do adults still do that? umm....).

Or remembering the two Truths that apply to every life situation:

God is good. And He is in control.

Do I believe that God is still good and wants what is best for me, even if He takes away our dream house? Or will I get angry at Him and harbor the feeling that He is leaving me with second best?

Do I believe that God knew what He was doing when He allowed the judge to go on vacation? Do I believe that whatever happens with our Home Assignment, it will be in His good timing?

Or do I act in unbelief?

This week, we held our second annual Elementary School Bible verse quiz. The kids knocked our socks off with their great work. But as I was standing there, feeding references to these kids who kept spitting out passages as if they were just their ABC's, I was reminded of God's sovereignty:

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted."

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD."

"I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things."

"Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him."

I want God to work everything out the way I want it. But then, would I really have opportunity to trust Him? Who is running this world...me? Or God?

He is good. And He is in control.
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