I am a saver. As in, a saver of money.
And since my husband has always happily handed all financial matters in this family over to me, I am the one who has had the pleasure of moving money into our savings account every month.
In the last number of years, it has brought me great joy to see that little savings account grow. And brought me security. Boy, do I sure like security. A lot. Especially since we do not own a house or a car that is less than 12 years old or anything else that could be considered assets.
But yet, feeling secure over our savings account made me feel uneasy. Because I know (like every good Christian) that our security doesn't come from money. But yet, does not the Bible also say that saving money is a wise thing?
I can remember discussing this with Gil a while ago. When do we know that we have saved enough and can give away the rest? How do we know when or if God wants us to give away some or all of it?
And that made me uneasy too. The giving away of, or somehow losing, all of it. Made me feel decidedly insecure.
But I planted my feet and set my resolve and told God, It's your money. Tell us if you want us to do something with it.
And then January came, and we found out that we would not be able to adopt in Tanzania again. Yet, we knew we wanted another son. Which left us with one choice: International Adoption. And besides the fact that International Adoption requires sheaves more paperwork and documents and emails than a Tanzanian adoption, there was one other major, major difference:
Which, to be honest, had not really been a big factor in our other adoptions. Of course, we had paid for them in time and gasoline and tears and aching hearts and a certain degree of sanity, but relatively speaking, not a lot of money.
So we knew that by jumping into International Adoption, we would also be looking at a cost that would be about 6-8 times more than our other adoptions. If you didn't already know, the average International Adoption costs about $30,000. Gulp.
Of course, there is no price you can put on giving a child a family. Or giving a family another child.
I don't know yet what exactly this adoption will cost us, because we will be applying for grants and scholarships, and maybe, maybe the U.S. adoption tax credit will be renewed (which would amazingly give us and other families a whopping $12,000 to work with).
But what's incredible to me is how easily I have begun hacking away at that savings account. I do admit that when I am making these large payments, I take one big shuddering breath before I press "Pay Now," but it really hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, giving away all that security.
Because when it's worth it, it's worth it. And when it is crystal clear that God wants you to do it, then it's really not that hard.