Thursday, January 28, 2010

Soul Refreshing

When I was in college, God blessed me with Becky, Steph, and Wendy. We were in the same dorm at the same school, 20 years old, and full of idealism. They were such good friends.

The four of us hadn't been together since 1999. It was Becky's idea to have a reunion, and she's the one who put it all together. One came down from Washington, one came down from Alaska, and we spent the weekend in Solvang.

Over 10 years had passed. We live in different parts of the world, are married to very different men, and each of us has our own set of trials. Perhaps we're not as idealistic as we were then but we certainly are a lot wiser. And the friendship hasn't changed.

In the course of the three days we were together, there was very little silence between us. We had a lot to catch up on! We talked about the funny things and the hard things. We laughed and cried and hugged.

And my soul was filled to the brim in a way that it hasn't been in a long time.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I am...

happy to be spending time in the city where I feel most at home in America. This is where I went to college, where I became independent, where I worked my first "real" job, where I met and fell in love with Gil, where we started our lives together, where we learned how to do ministry. So many wonderful memories here.

humbled by the generosity and hospitality of others. Our friends at FCC are blessing us exceedingly, abundantly by the love they are lavishing on us. How blessed we are!

basking in the warmth of fellowship with old friends. I love to watch my kids play with other kids, I love to see the joy that eminates from FCC Life Groups, I love the hours of deep conversation with people who have known us for 10 years.

wistful because I know it won't last, lonely because even though we have been welcomed home with open arms, I know we aren't really a part of each other's lives again.

and yet...

still missing the life we left behind....hearing about the events at HOPAC and all the things we are missing out on...

and wishing so desperately that somehow we could live
two lives
at once.

Friday, January 1, 2010

this mommy loves the Grace in her life

Sweet Baby Girl,

As you lie next to me on this bed, crashed into sleep from the sugar and excitement of the morning of your fourth birthday, and so excited about your party this afternoon, I’m thinking about you.

I love you, this little girl God has given me. I love your zest for life, your excitement over absolutely everything. I love that no one is a stranger to you, you gladly give hugs to whomever wants to hug you; you love completely and without restraint. You are almost always happy. You immediately make friends with any child you come into contact with. “Hi, my name is Grace. What’s your name?” You are far more gregarious and more of an extrovert than I have ever been. I love your ability to win others over. I love how you thoroughly love your little brother and want to play with him all the time.

I’m finally believing those who told me, “The years will go by so fast!” When you were one and two and three and the days went by so slowly, four seemed so far away. And now I look back and wonder where the time went, and think about how in another four years you will be eight. Eight!

I want you to love God. Your family. Adoption. Africa. Missions. Your unique heritage. I want you to be a person of character and integrity. I want you to treasure Christ. I don’t want you to lose your joy when you turn 13…as I’ve seen far too often.

And I’m scared. Because I wonder if I really am cut out for this task of being your mother. I feel like you deserve so much more from me than you get. There is so much I want for you, so much that I want to develop in you, and I wonder if I really can do it. Then I remember that I can’t do it—not on my own, anyway. It’s only the grace of God that will work through me, and only the grace of God that will work in you.

So my precious Gracie, as we begin a New Year in history and a New Year of your life, I pray that God will continue to fill both our lives with His grace. And that it will infuse your life in such a way that others will say, “What a perfect name for you!”

Your Mommy