Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Beautiful Mystery

Lily's adoption was finalized today.  Today!  June 27th, 2012. 

I wasn't there, actually.  I had showed up for the last 4 court appointments, the last one being yesterday, and the judge didn't show up.  The clerk said to come back today.

But today I didn't have anyone to watch my kids, and I was feeling like they needed me and I had been leaving them too often.  And since I don't really need to be there for the ruling, and since I had already gone 4 times with nothing happening, I decided not to go. 

And of course, as Murphy's Law would have it, today was The Day.  So I am bummed that I missed hearing the ruling myself, but not bummed that I would have had to sit for 4 hours in the court house waiting with my kids in order to hear it. 

Our lawyer Brooke told me that hearing a judge grant an adoption order is like being in the delivery room when the head pops out.  So yesterday, when we were discussing whether or not I would come to court today, she told me, "Well, just look at it this way.  For your first two, you had natural births.  This time, if you miss it, it's because you had a c-section and they had to knock you out."

So since I wasn't actually present during the ruling today, she texted me, "At 12:40 pm today you had a c-section under general anesthesia.  Lily Zawadi Medina is now legally all yours.  You might be sore for a couple of days." 

Brooke's pretty awesome like that.

She said that the judge was pretty dramatic when he made the ruling, and he made sure to tell Brooke that this adoption must be full of "love and tenderness....not just love."  And then proceeded to tell everyone present the difference between love and tenderness.

Well, Mr. Judge, we will do our best to give Lily both love and tenderness. 

I am struck by the contrast of how profound the event was that took place today, and yet how oblivious Lily is by it all.  She really hasn't a clue.  Grace gets it; she shouted with joy, "The judge said YES!  Lily is my sister forever!"  But Lily?  Just gave me a long stare and went back to the Legos.

Grafted in.  My history is her history.  My name is her name.  Bound not just by love, but by law.  Her past, present, and future all re-written.  Inextricably linked.  Her identity determined without her permission, without even her knowledge.  And it all came about by the declaration of one man.  What a beautiful mystery.

Makes me wonder about the Divine Transactions that have taken place without my full understanding, while I am just interested in the Legos. 

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